political humor from craigslist

FOR SALE/BARTER: My body in Persistent Vegetative State... - 2

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Reply to: see below
Date: Thu Mar 24 09:51:00 2005


Dear loved-ones,
I make the following statement in a sound state of mind and of my own volition:

If I am rendered comatose and determined to be in a persistent vegetative state (PVS) for a period longer than one month and if no imminent cure is forthcoming, I do not wish to be kept alive by artificial means including but not limited to nourishment, hydration, etc.

However....

If, due to the absurd political state of affairs in this country, my persistent vegetative state and impending unplugging can be parlayed into some sort of political leverage, I wholly endorse using my predicament in whatever way possible for the purposes of passing legislation favorable to my general political and ethical outlook. Here is a list of top-tier causes I support and will continue to support, both while in my PVS and after my eventual death.

• Debt Relief to Impoverished Nations: I will agree to stay in a PVS for an indeterminate amount of time if the United States aggressively pursues a policy of debt relief and debt forgiveness to developing and impoverished nations.



• Nuclear Disarmament and De-escalation: I will agree to stay in a PVS for a open-ended period of time if the United States aggressively pursues a policy of nuclear disarmament and de-escalation. By this I mean desisting from developing new bellicose nuclear technologies and providing significant non-military incentives for nations to avoid nuclear armament.



• Humanitarian Foreign Policy: I will demure to the pro-Life contingent's desire that I be kept in a PVS in perpetuum if the United States aggressively pursues a humane foreign policy. This policy should be guided by the idea that this country must use its economic prowess and leverage to bring education, health care, basic services, and opportunity to the millions of disenfranchised, impoverished and oppressed peoples of the world. For example, instead of providing Bradley Fighting Vehicles or F16s to the Israeli army, the United States would open a free, state-of-the-art, health clinics in every West Bank refugee camp.



• Environmentally Sensitive Policy: I agree to be kept "plugged-in" and in a PVS until I expire of other natural causes if the United States aggressively pursues a policy of environmental sensitivity. This policy should include an economic emphasis on renewable energy sources, preserving open spaces, protecting environmentally sensitive areas (such as the Biosphere Reserves, ANWAR, Amazon Basin, etc.) and using economic and political leverage to encourage other nations to behave in like manner.

Should my friends or family find a way to use the issue of my impending unplugging to bring Congress into emergency session, to draft emergency legislation, or to encourage politicians to make statements favorable to the abovementioned causes, I hereby grant permission to do whatever is necessary with my body to accomplish said ends.

If the United States Government coldly and callously dismisses the value and sanctity of my life by refusing to enact the policies laid out above, I will offer a staggered plan of unplugging. With each of the following acts, truly pro-Life leaders will be able to secure more time for my existence, sustained via the miracles of modern medicine, while I enjoy my PVS.

• Plant 30 mature trees in an inner-city ( + 1 day!! )
• Build one basketball court in an inner-city ( + 1 day!! )
• Remove graffiti from 10 inner-city buildings ( + 4 days!! )
• Build a playground in an inner-city ( + 1 week!! )
• Build and staff a library in an inner-city ( + 1 week!! )
• Repair an inner-city school and provide adequate heating ( + 1 week!! )
• Provide computers and computer classes to an inner-city school system ( + 10 days!! )
• Build and staff a community center in an inner-city ( + 10 days!! )
• Build and staff a job training center in an inner-city ( + 2 weeks!!)
• Build and staff a school in a inner-city ( + 2 weeks!! )
• Provide text books for all students of an inner-city school system ( + 2 weeks!! )
• Build and staff a health care clinic in an inner-city ( + 3 weeks!! )
• Build and staff an emergency room in an inner-city ( + 30 days!!! )

*** EXCITING LIMITED-TIME OFFER!!! ***
Should these staggered incentives prove inadequate to morally motivate the conservative "pro-Life" leadership in this country, for a limited time, I will allow the US Government (State, County and City Governments are also welcome to participate!) to keep me alive in a PVS as follows:

• Save my life for an additional minute by contributing two dollars ($2.00 US) to any one of the following non-profit organizations: WHO, OxFam, Greenpeace, Earth Justice, NOW, NARAL, MoveOn.org, Act For Change, Free the Slaves, Anti-Slavery International, ACLU, or Amnesty International.
  
  * Please note: You can purchase blocks of minutes at a discounted rate of $1.75 per minute of life!!

The above statements represent my true and unadulterated wishes, given here under no coercion whatsoever. These statements should be taken as the legally-binding wishes of yours truly.

N.A.B.
March 24, 2005.

int'l dissent of bush cronies

in response to the nomination of Paul Wolfowitz to be the pres of my arch nemisis- the world bank- this editorial makes a great point:

In the Philippines, an editorial in the Daily Inquirer asks, "Can Wolfowitz take the next step and lead the World Bank to accept its mistakes and change some of its policies?"

The question is relevant, says the Manila daily, because Wolfowitz "is one of the principal architects of the US invasion of Iraq. The war was waged on non-existent grounds: there was no immediate terrorist threat from Iraq, there were no weapons of mass destruction, there was no conspiracy between Saddam Hussein's odious regime and Osama bin Laden's equally monstrous terrorist network."

"If in the face of incontrovertible evidence, Wolfowitz cannot bring himself to admit any errors in judgment, can we expect him to continue the reform of the World Bank -- a process which requires him to publicly accept mistakes?"

scary property rts folks

so i'm writing a paper this term on Locke's influence on Supreme Court takings clause jurisprudence. This means I'm reading a lot of Richard Epstein - who believes that ALL environmental regulations are takings of private property (except those regulating common law nuisances so to give him credit at least he wouldn't find the clean air act a violation of the 5th Amendment) .

And the sad thing is there are folks scarier than Epstein out there expounding their views on the unsuspecting public -- check out http://www.johnlocke.org/

WHY may I ask is property so darn important to these people? Don't they see the environment crumbling around them?

Maybe my roommate is right in hoping for a huge natural disaster to wipe out the planet!

hooray for peace (or the desire for it anyway)

big kudos to all the lovely Portland area peace activists that came out on sat to mark the rather depressing milestone of the 2 yr anniversary of the war on iraq.

for pics of the march, visit http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2005/03/313836.shtml

and also kudos to the cops who were well behaved. i love it when legal observing is low key.